Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure

Sometime in April of this year, one of my good friends decided that she wanted to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a 5k walk/run that supports the fight against breast cancer. I've been wanting to do a 5K for a while and because some of my friends were going to participate, I decided to do it. I started "training" for it and actually injured myself a little (I'm not sure what I did....I think it was probably shin splints) in the process. Because of that and because the group I was in was just walking, I decided to walk the 5K. It was a really great experience being there. There were a lot of cancer survivors and that was amazing to see. One of my good friends is a cancer survivor (not breast cancer but I still thought doing it for her counted ;) ) and is coming up on 8 years of being cancer free (YAY!!!). She is part of an organization called "stupid cancer" which is aimed towards young people with cancer. She sent me some of their wrists bands so my friends and I could wear them during the 5K.

Rockin' the bracelets on my train ride down town to the race. I also had the same amount of bracelets on the other arm.

The train was packed!

The group I walked with. These girls are from the Utah Surrogate Mothers group that I am a part of.

My good friend, Jen, & I

L-R: Darcy, Sarah, Jen, me, Amanda, Rylee, & Natalie. These girls are great!!

Yeah!

Random January 2012 pictures

Sofia playing with Josh's iPad. It's amazing how quickly such little kids catch on to technology.

I love this picture!

Sofia LOVES hats! Modeling one her cousin, Lizzy, made for her for Christmas.

Steven & Sofia were pretending that this cassette player was a camera. Mostly I wanted to show her cute pony tail. I think this is one of her firsts (an actual ponytail in the back, anyway).

Car drama

The morning of Saturday the 5th, Josh was leaving to go to work. He came back up stairs and I thought he had forgotten something. He opens the door, looks at my car keys, and then asks me, "Where's your car? Your car's not in the stall." Fantastic, my car had been stolen. The car had a security chip that had to be in in order to start the car. That was upstairs in the house on my key ring so I was really confused as to how someone could steal it. I suggested to Josh that maybe some teenagers were pulling a prank and had just put the car into neutral and then pushed it somewhere. Josh drove around our complex but couldn't see it. He came back upstairs and called the police to report it stolen. He had to work that day so I was stuck in my house until that evening. Thankfully, I didn't have anything absolutely vital to do, and I had done my shopping for the next week already, so for that day, it was really more of an annoyance.

We had already had plans to go on a double date with some friends, and we were still able to do that. While we were in the movie, we got a call from the police department saying that the car had been found in Murray. It was not driveable, however, so the police just had it towed. We weren't too happy about that, because that meant we would have to pay a towing charge on top of whatever else it would cost to fix it, when Josh could've just towed it with his truck. I called the towing company to ask what was wrong with it and they said that the ignition had been ripped out and the steering column would probably need to be replaced. It was good that it wasn't completely stripped, but still, not fun news to get.

On Monday I did a bunch of research. The towing company told me I had to go get a state tax release (or something) from the DMV on Monday and bring it there in order to get my car. I called the DMV to see how much that would cost and what I would have to do to get it (oh, with no car because Josh was working, and no car seats because they were in the stolen car. Great.). I was very happy that they wouldn't charge me to get the state tax release because the car had been stolen, but not so happy when I called the towing company. They were going to charge me $254 just to get it out, and it was $25 a day to store it there. I would also have to pay a towing charge to get it to wherever it was going to go. Then I called the car shop we usually go to to ask them how much it would be to fix it. They couldn't give me an exact estimate without seeing the car, but the guy I talked to said it would be probably be at least $500 to fix, if not more. All told, I would have to spend at least $800 to get my car back. Josh and I had been planning on replacing it within the year, so we decided it wasn't worth getting back and fixing, when we could use that money towards a down payment.

One of my good friends, Amanda, was so helpful and let us not only borrow an old car seat she had, but she also let us borrow her mom's car (who doesn't really drive much) for a few days until we figured things out. She really was such a life saver!

On Wednesday evening we were able to go to Carmax and look at cars. I had looked at their inventory online and thought I knew which one we wanted. Josh wanted to look at others, though, before we made a final decision. We wanted a bigger car that sat 6 or 7. We were planning on getting a car that would last for a while and one that would still work for us when we have more kids. With that and our price range in mind, our choices were fairly limited. One of the first things I said when we told the sales man what we were looking for is that I did NOT want a mini van. I know they're practical, and totally designed for families, but I just was not quite ready to give in yet. He and Josh convinced me to at least look at one, though. We looked at 4 or 5 cars and then I decided to test drive 2. Josh told me it was up to me because I'd be the one driving it most of the time. I test drove the mini van we looked at (yes, I know) and the car I originally thought I wanted, a Chevy Trail Blazer. The mini van (Chevy Uplander) was a 2008 with only 84k miles on it and was in really good condition. It sat 7 and was very roomy and would be easy to get kids in and out of. The Trail Blazer was a 2004 with only 88k miles that also sat 7, but you had to fold down one of the middle seats to get to the back row. After driving the Uplander, the Trail Blazer seemed so old and not as nice. I really hated to admit it, but the Uplander really was the better car and the better value (it was $1000 less than the Trail Blazer). I very reluctantly said we should probably get the Uplander and I officially became one of those moms. I know it's illogical, but some how driving a mini van makes me feel older and far less cool (like my 15 year old silver and black Civic was so awesome...). Ugh. I knew deep down it would probably happen eventually, but I just wasn't ready for it.

Today I went to the tow yard to sign over my title to them so they could sell the car for parts. I looked through it to see if there was anything worth taking home with me. They had stolen the car seats which I was honestly more upset about than the car. That may seem silly, but I was already planning on replacing my car but I wasn't planning on replacing the car seats. I had just bought a big Costco pack of toilet paper and garbage bags the day before the car was stolen that I hadn't taken in the house yet. I looked in the trunk today they had stolen those, too. Really??? You needed toilet paper that bad? Ugh. Some people.

Here is a link to a really funny video about mini vans.

The inside of the stolen car showing the missing ignition

 The new car. It's so hot, right? ;)

 Me in the new ride

What a difference a year makes...

I have been meaning to write this blog for quite some time...I wanted it to be a reflection on the past year and therefore planned on writing it in December or January. It's now May. Good job me ;)
Wow. We have definitely had a year full of changes, both good & trying. New jobs, new friends, vacations, growing kids & other adventures took place in 2011.
At the beginning of January I left my on-again-off-again job of 3 1/2 years (that I loved) in order to take a part-time night job at Primary Children's Hospital. I had been thinking about getting a night job for quite some time in order to save some money on day care and be home with my kids more. I kind of just applied to the job on a whim; I didn't really think I'd get it, and I really just cared that in the description it said "night position". I was really surprised when I got it but happy. I was getting an almost $2/hr pay raise, I would be eligible for benefits, and my day care bill would be about a third of what it had been. I was definitely sad to leave my job at the OB office, but it was what I needed to do at that time. It was the best thing for my family. Let me tell you something, though: it was rough. Working a 12 hour shift from 7 pm to 7 am was hard. Harder than that, though, was being up all day the day before taking care of my kids, knowing that I had to then work 12 hours straight that night. I dreaded going to work, and basically being up for 24 hours straight. Once I got to work, I usually enjoyed it. I worked in the float pool, so I worked in 7 different units. I enjoyed that and I enjoyed learning so many new things. I would be up all day with the kids, *try* to stay up all night during work, and then I would come home and get about 4 hours of sleep the next morning. I was really surprised at how well I functioned after only getting 4 hours of sleep (or sometimes less) and then getting right back up and starting all over again. Fortunately, I only worked 2 nights a week, so it really wasn't too bad. I really feel like I was blessed to be able to function on such little sleep, especially while I was pregnant (for those of you who don't know about that, read on...). I also realized how much I liked having weekends and Holidays off. It was just tough all around on my family. Because of certain circumstances dealing with my pregnancy, I had to work until February of 2012. I really wanted to quit many times, but I hung in there. Now I am able to stay home full-time with my kids. If I hadn't worked that year at PCMC, I don't think I would appreciate staying at home as much as I do now. I don't mean to say that it was all bad, because I did enjoy a lot of it, but I am definitely grateful that that chapter in my life is over.
At the end of January, we took a trip down to Arizona & spent a week with my sister, Sammy, & her husband, Irwin. The vacation was very low-key but so great. We did a whole lot of nothing the majority of the time, but it was a lot of fun. Family vacations for us can only really happen during the winter because of Josh's work schedule. It's really nice to go some place warm during the winter, though, and also to go some place that has clean air.  In June, I was able to go to New York City and Connecticut for about 5 days with one of my best friends, Kim (continue reading for why I was in NYC). It was really hot and really humid while we were there. Kim had never experienced something like that and I can't say that she liked the weather. ;) We were there for a great reason, though, and we had a really good time. NYC was amazing!
In April of 2011, Sofia turned 1 and in September of 2011, Steven turned 3. Now another birthday of Sofia's has passed and she is now 2 years old. I can't believe how big they've gotten!
The biggest thing that happened in 2011 was that I became a surrogate. I think most people who read my blog know about this already, but I know there may be a few out there who don't yet know. When I first started the process, I was really excited about it, but didn't want to tell everyone before it was a sure thing. As time went on, I started telling more people and I was flat-out shocked when I got some really negative responses. After that, I was much more apprehensive about telling people, and I didn't blog about it here. Now that everything's said and done, I am now longer afraid of what people might say and no longer feel the need to hide it. It was an amazing experience and I am so grateful I got to be a part of it. Being a surrogate has changed me for life, has marked me in a positive way. I feel like I have grown a lot through this process and I feel much more comfortable standing up for myself and the choices I make. I've realized that sometimes people aren't going to agree with you, and that's okay. I can't let it hold me back. Some of my relationships in my life have changed but I don't think any are lost. There is much more I could say about this, but most of it I've already said on my private blog. I chronicled my experience as a surrogate on that blog, so if any of you want to read that who aren't already, leave me your email and I will send you an invite.
I hope your past year as been as amazing as mine. I really wouldn't change anything that happened. :)

Hot Pants

A few weeks before I went to Women's Conference and heard that talk that really changed my perspective on things like weight loss and body image, I saw a Groupon for some Zaggora Hot Pants (pictured above). I had seen this Groupon about a year before and had been intrigued then, but didn't get them. When I saw them this time, though, I had a Groupon credit so I decided to get them. They ended up only being $20, so I figured, why not? The pants are called "Hot Pants" because they are supposed to make you sweat and therefore lose more weight than you would wearing normal work out clothing. They also claim to focus on slimming down your waist/thigh/glute region, and, like most women, that's where I wanted to focus.
They came in the mail after I had decided to stop worrying so much about my weight and focus on how I look/feel. In the past, I have had similar epiphanies, just never in such a profound way as this time. One thing similar about those times in the past and this time now, is that whenever I decide I don't care about how much I weigh, I really only care about how I look and feel, subconsciously (or consciously), I kind of feel like that realization also lets me off the hook from working out and watching what I eat. Once I start to feel like that, I swing in the opposite direction and kind of lose all motivation. I started to feel that way a little bit when after I heard that talk. It's a bit different this time, in that I really enjoy working out right now and have a good routine I like to do, however, I did really kind of stop watching what I ate and I have been eating a lot more goodies than I probably should have lately.
When you purchase these shorts, they encourage you to do a "2-week challenge" where you weigh and measure yourself at the beginning of the 2 weeks, then they suggest you wear the shorts often, work out, and eat less, and then weigh and measure yourself at the end of 2 weeks. I didn't weigh myself at the beginning of this, but I did measure myself. I don't have such a weird relationship with my measurements as I do with my weight. I don't have any set numbers in mind when I weigh myself, I just like to see concrete evidence that my body is changing (hopefully in the way I want it to!). So as a disclaimer before I "reveal" the results, the two weeks in which I did this challenge were not really "normal" for me. I worked out every day the first week, although the work outs were different because I was "training" (I use that term very loosely) for a 5K (later post). The second week, though, I only worked out 3 times because of something that happend on Friday the 4th (also in a later post). Also, I wasn't really watching what I was eating. I usually eat a pretty good breakfast and lunch, but dinner is not always good, and I was eating sweets left and right. With all those considerations in mind, I am pretty pleased with the outcome after 2 weeks.
After 2 weeks I:
-lost 1/8 inch off my waist
-lost 1/2 inch off my stomach/hips
-lost 1/2 inch off one thigh & 1/4 inch off the other

I had definitely been feeling like my stomach/hips were smaller and it's nice to see that I wasn't just imagining things! I am planning on doing another 2 week challenge starting today, but this time I don't have any crazy things going on in the foreseeable future, and I plan on going back to my normal workout/eating routine. I'll post in 2 weeks about that.

Goodbye scale!

Yesterday I attended Women's Conference at BYU with my mom and sister. I've been before and it's always been a great experience. There was one talk and one speaker that really stood out to me, and she said something that I really needed to hear. The topic of her message was about how to be a healthy example to your family and those around you. She felt like she should focus her portion of the hour to body image, how to change our perception of body image, and how to be good examples to others around us.
She stated some facts about health and our bodies, one of which was that the Body Mass Index (BMI) was originally developed in the 1830's (outdated much??). According to the BMI, Michael Jordan is considered overweight. I've always thought this way of measuring obesity or your "healthy weight" was a bit of a crock, and the aforementioned statement just reconfirmed that to me. I'm sure it has its usefulness, but in reality, it's just a NUMBER.
She also shared a story that tore at my heart. It was about a friend of hers and her friend's 8 year-old son. She told us how the son was frequently with a babysitter because both of his parents worked. Apparently the babysitter was not very happy with how she looked or how much she weighed, because she was often dieting and was pretty conspicuous about it. She would say things like, "I can't eat that food because it'll make me fat." or "I'm following this diet to lose weight," or tell the boy that things he was eating would make him fat. This was all going on without the parents' knowledge, and while their son seemed to be happy on the outside, loving soccer and playing outside, they did start to notice when he wouldn't eat and started to lose weight. One day the boy came to his mother, lifted up his shirt, and with his ribs sticking out and tears in his eyes he said, "Mommy, I'm fat." I just about died when I heard this. Obviously, this was not the babysitter's intention. She was careless about what she said and how she acted around others, but was not meaning to be malicious or have such a negative impact in a young boy's life.
This story got me thinking about something that had been on my mind a lot recently. I'm noticing more and more how much I rub off on my kids. Steven says phrases that I do and Sofia parrots me as well. With all the negative media attention towards bodies, I know that I have to counteract those affects as much as I can. My kids like to get on the scale and see the number that comes up. They don't know what that number is and are not yet prone to letting that number dictate their happiness or frustration. I don't want them to be consumed with a NUMBER that is fairly arbitrary. I recently had a discussion with Josh and said, "I want our kids to see me going to the gym, being active, and eating healthy foods. However, I don't want them to see me weighing myself or my reaction when the number isn't what I want it to be. I don't want Sofia to see me measuring myself and grimacing or rejoicing as I write the number down." That should have been a big red flag right there: If I don't want my kids to see it, why am I doing it??
Her message also got me to thinking about another recent moment I'd had. For the past two and a half months, I have been really working on losing weight. I have also been pretty discouraged because even though I am working out at least 5 times a week and trying to watch what I eat, the results weren't showing on the scale. I was not losing weight. I have been losing inches but not pounds. I have been getting stronger and a better figure is emerging, but the numbers haven't been dropping. People are telling me how great I look (I hope they're not just being nice) and yet the scale is louder. The other day I felt like I looked good and felt like I was getting in better shape. I had noticed that my pants were looser. Then I stepped on the scale, saw the number hadn't changed, and all those positive thoughts I'd had about myself and my body flew out the window. Why is that? I feel good about myself, the work I'm doing, and the healthy habits I'm building until I step on the scale. Why should a NUMBER determine how I feel about myself? It's not like I need to loose 100 pounds. I'm sure some people would say I don't need to lose any weight. I had this goal number in mind, and kept telling people that's what I wanted to get to. Now I think, "Then what?" What if I get to that number and still don't like what I see? What if I never get to that weight, but get a good figure, and yet fail to see that because all I can see is a NUMBER? Why do I even need a scale? I know I'm happier when I don't weigh, and yet I can't help myself. I've always said I care more about how I look than what the scale says, but I'm realizing that that is not entirely true.
I want to be happy with the way I look and how I feel. I want to work out to be healthy, not to look sickly. I want my children to follow my healthy habits, like eating right and working out, not the bad ones like obsessing over weight and the scale. I know it's not easy, and I'm sure I will forget some of the conviction I have at this moment. I just can't stand the thought of one day my daughter (or son) coming to me crying because she thinks she's fat. I just want to work out, enjoy my work outs, eat a healthy diet, indulge once in a while and love myself. Yes, a flat stomach and thighs that don't rub together would be great, but is obsessing over those things worth potentially having that rub off on my kids??
There was a phrase that the speaker from yesterday repeated over and over and I really love it. "Love yourself. Be a good example. Be healthy. Be happy." (Matti A. Smith)
I hope that this post was coherent and that you can take my true meaning from it.

Love yourself. Be a good example. Be healthy. Be happy.

Race for the Cure

So a group of my good friends and I have decided to start a team to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure here in SLC on May 12th. Breast cancer is disease that I know touches so many lives. When I think of the Race for the Cure, I don't just think of breast cancer. When I worked at Primary Children's Medical Center, I worked in the ICS (Immunocompromised Unit) a lot. It wasn't just for kids with cancer, but those kids made up the majority of the population. I'd never seen cancer up close before and working there definitely changed my perspective on it. Cancer can be a devastating disease that no one should have to go through, and no one should have to watch their loved one go through it. I also have a dear, dear friend who battled ovarian cancer and has now been cancer free for over SEVEN years. I am doing this for her and for everyone out there who has battled cancer, will battle it, or has been affected by it.
I don't want this to be my soap box, but if anyone wants to donate, no matter how small, to this amazing cause, that would be awesome! Just go here to donate if you would like to.