Goodbye scale!

Yesterday I attended Women's Conference at BYU with my mom and sister. I've been before and it's always been a great experience. There was one talk and one speaker that really stood out to me, and she said something that I really needed to hear. The topic of her message was about how to be a healthy example to your family and those around you. She felt like she should focus her portion of the hour to body image, how to change our perception of body image, and how to be good examples to others around us.
She stated some facts about health and our bodies, one of which was that the Body Mass Index (BMI) was originally developed in the 1830's (outdated much??). According to the BMI, Michael Jordan is considered overweight. I've always thought this way of measuring obesity or your "healthy weight" was a bit of a crock, and the aforementioned statement just reconfirmed that to me. I'm sure it has its usefulness, but in reality, it's just a NUMBER.
She also shared a story that tore at my heart. It was about a friend of hers and her friend's 8 year-old son. She told us how the son was frequently with a babysitter because both of his parents worked. Apparently the babysitter was not very happy with how she looked or how much she weighed, because she was often dieting and was pretty conspicuous about it. She would say things like, "I can't eat that food because it'll make me fat." or "I'm following this diet to lose weight," or tell the boy that things he was eating would make him fat. This was all going on without the parents' knowledge, and while their son seemed to be happy on the outside, loving soccer and playing outside, they did start to notice when he wouldn't eat and started to lose weight. One day the boy came to his mother, lifted up his shirt, and with his ribs sticking out and tears in his eyes he said, "Mommy, I'm fat." I just about died when I heard this. Obviously, this was not the babysitter's intention. She was careless about what she said and how she acted around others, but was not meaning to be malicious or have such a negative impact in a young boy's life.
This story got me thinking about something that had been on my mind a lot recently. I'm noticing more and more how much I rub off on my kids. Steven says phrases that I do and Sofia parrots me as well. With all the negative media attention towards bodies, I know that I have to counteract those affects as much as I can. My kids like to get on the scale and see the number that comes up. They don't know what that number is and are not yet prone to letting that number dictate their happiness or frustration. I don't want them to be consumed with a NUMBER that is fairly arbitrary. I recently had a discussion with Josh and said, "I want our kids to see me going to the gym, being active, and eating healthy foods. However, I don't want them to see me weighing myself or my reaction when the number isn't what I want it to be. I don't want Sofia to see me measuring myself and grimacing or rejoicing as I write the number down." That should have been a big red flag right there: If I don't want my kids to see it, why am I doing it??
Her message also got me to thinking about another recent moment I'd had. For the past two and a half months, I have been really working on losing weight. I have also been pretty discouraged because even though I am working out at least 5 times a week and trying to watch what I eat, the results weren't showing on the scale. I was not losing weight. I have been losing inches but not pounds. I have been getting stronger and a better figure is emerging, but the numbers haven't been dropping. People are telling me how great I look (I hope they're not just being nice) and yet the scale is louder. The other day I felt like I looked good and felt like I was getting in better shape. I had noticed that my pants were looser. Then I stepped on the scale, saw the number hadn't changed, and all those positive thoughts I'd had about myself and my body flew out the window. Why is that? I feel good about myself, the work I'm doing, and the healthy habits I'm building until I step on the scale. Why should a NUMBER determine how I feel about myself? It's not like I need to loose 100 pounds. I'm sure some people would say I don't need to lose any weight. I had this goal number in mind, and kept telling people that's what I wanted to get to. Now I think, "Then what?" What if I get to that number and still don't like what I see? What if I never get to that weight, but get a good figure, and yet fail to see that because all I can see is a NUMBER? Why do I even need a scale? I know I'm happier when I don't weigh, and yet I can't help myself. I've always said I care more about how I look than what the scale says, but I'm realizing that that is not entirely true.
I want to be happy with the way I look and how I feel. I want to work out to be healthy, not to look sickly. I want my children to follow my healthy habits, like eating right and working out, not the bad ones like obsessing over weight and the scale. I know it's not easy, and I'm sure I will forget some of the conviction I have at this moment. I just can't stand the thought of one day my daughter (or son) coming to me crying because she thinks she's fat. I just want to work out, enjoy my work outs, eat a healthy diet, indulge once in a while and love myself. Yes, a flat stomach and thighs that don't rub together would be great, but is obsessing over those things worth potentially having that rub off on my kids??
There was a phrase that the speaker from yesterday repeated over and over and I really love it. "Love yourself. Be a good example. Be healthy. Be happy." (Matti A. Smith)
I hope that this post was coherent and that you can take my true meaning from it.

Love yourself. Be a good example. Be healthy. Be happy.