Bittersweet

For me, Sunday was bittersweet.  Not only was it my son's third birthday, but it was also the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks.  This year was especially poignant for me.  I don't know if it was because I'm hormonal or because people everywhere (media especially) were talking about it.  It's probably a mixture of both :)
I remember a lot about that day.  I was 15 and a sophomore in High School.  At that time, my mom would get up early to work out and then would watch the news before starting her day.  That morning, I was getting ready for school when my mom called up the stairs to me.  She said, "A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center."  I really had no idea what she was talking about.  I didn't even really know what the World Trade Center was; it only sounded vaguely familiar.  And as for the plane, I thought she meant some little prop job that held maybe 2 people.  I think I probably said something like, "That sucks." and went about my business getting ready for school.  I think I barely glanced at the TV.  It wasn't until I got to first period, Biology, that I realized what was actually going on.  The teacher had the TV turned on to the news while we were working on our flashcards.  I normally don't like watching the news when they have some special breaking news because they tend to just replay the same stuff over and over again.  This was not the case on that day, though.  Everyone sat glued to the TV in horror as we watched the tower burn, and then when the second plane hit, and then when the towers collasped.  I didn't know anyone in New York but I did have a sister that lived right outside of Philadephia and one that lived right outside of Washington D.C. and I was definitely worried about them.  Both of them were fine but it was definitely a crazy day. 
This year I watched some of the specials they had on TV in honor of the tenth anniversary.  They definitely pulled at my heartstrings.  It's amazing to me that any human being could do what those terrorists did to another human being, let alone nearly 3,000.  My heart goes out to those families who were tragically affected and forever changed on that day.  I'm also so grateful for all those men and women who are working so hard across the world to defend our freedom.
The other day I was listening to the radio and they played this song.  I seriously cried through the whole thing!  Check out the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8R5KKdkWEmY&feature=grec_index

Facebook Sabbatical

I've noticed that ever since I got my new fancy-schmancy "smart" (whether it's actual smart is another story...) phone in April, a new habit of mine has been forming.  I truly have become a Facebook-aholic.  Before then I would get on Facebook probably once a day or so (sometimes more when I was working and really bored) but now with it at my fingertips, I've started getting on it almost constantly.  I'll check it, and then an hour later get on it again, and guess what!  Nothing has changed.  It's just silly.  So I've decided to take a break from Facebook, both on my phone and on the computer for at least a week.  I started yesterday and it's really no big deal.  I figure the people that I actually want to talk to can either call or text me or I will call or text them.  We'll see how it goes!

Follow-up

Writing my recent post entitled "Stay at Home Mom Blues" was very cathartic for me.  What changes take place are of course of my own doing, but it felt very good to vent.  Sometimes I still feel the same was as I did when I wrote the post, but lately I've been feeling a lot better about things in general.  I had several people leave some great comments that were very helpful.  It makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one out there who feels the way I do about staying at home.  Some of those who commented also left some great websites for me to check out that they found helpful.  Here are those:

-productiveparenting.com

-Tot school blog

At the first website, you can sign up to have emails sent to you daily, weekly, monthly, etc. (you choose how often you want to get them) with activities you can do with your kids.  When you request to have these emails sent to you, you enter your kids' gender & birthday & the emails are customized to their age & gender.  The activities are all really simple but teach your kids different things (motor skills, letters/numbers, etc.).  Some of the things I already do with my kids but a lot of them are really easy things that I wouldn't have thought of doing.  We tried one about a week ago & Steven loved it!  It was for his age but Sofia got into it, too.  It's interesting to watch them do the same activity because you can definitely tell that they are at different levels developmentally but they still both enjoy it. 

Here are some pictures from the aforementioned activity.  One bowl was full of water & the idea was to get a sponge full of the water & squeeze it out into the other bowl.  Steven tried to explain it to Sofia, which was really cute, but she prefered just to splash in it.

The second link has lots of different mostly paper based activities.  I especially like the ones that focus on one letter.  They have different coloring & letter activities based on each letter which is pretty cool.

Like I said before, I am very grateful that I am able to stay home with my kids almost all of the time.  They really do mean so much to me.  Sometimes it is overwhelming but it's important to just take it one day at a time & remember that you don't have to be super mom all of the time.  To all those moms out there (especially myself), remember to take time for youself, don't be too hard on yourself, give yourself a break once in a while if the house isn't spotless, & always make sure that your kdis know how much you love them!  Because afterall, that's why we do the hardest job in the word, right??

My big babies

It's been a while since I've posted anything about my kids so I thought I'd do a quick update.
Sofia is just about 15 months old & Steven will be 3 in September.  I can't believe they're growing up so fast!  It's fun to watch them grow into their own little personalities.
-Sofia has started walking!  She has only been walking for a few weeks.  She doesn't walk all the time, she will still crawl, but she is getting more & more adept at walking on her own.  It's funny to watch her walk because you can tell she's still unsteady and will generally walk with both arms high up in the air for balance.
-Sofia has started smacking Steven on the head in order to get attention.  If he isn't paying attention to her, she'll start hitting him on the head.  Awesome. 
-Sofia LOVES to go swimming.  We've taken her a few times & she goes nuts!  We'll be holding her in the water & she will try her hardest to get out of our arms.  She is going to be our little dare devil, I can already tell.  In the shallow end of the pool she will crawl around & try her hardest to swim on her own.  She also likes to climb up things all the time: the back of the couch, up a slide, all around the jungle gym, onto the chairs and then on to the table...I swear Steven wasn't this much of a dare devil but maybe I have just blocked that part out...
-She has starting mimicking us a little bit.  She will blow kisses sometimes or will hold her hands together when we say prayers.  I love that one, especially, I think it's so cute!  I didn't even consciously teach her that, either, she just did it one day at church.  Kids are so smart!
-Sofia weighs a whopping 20.5 lbs (oooh I know, sooooo BIG! haha right) & is 32 inches long.  I was shocked to find out that she is actually in the 90th percentile for height so that's great!

-Steven is getting to be such a little man!  He talks a ton & has quite the personality.  If someone says, "You're silly" or "You're crazy pants" or something else like that, he will say, "No! I'm not crazy pants!  I'm Steven!" and proudly slap his chest.  He definitely knows who he is!
-He is very good at his numbers & letters.  I am happy to say that he knows all of his alphabet, he can count to about 13 or 14 (depending on the day) & definitely recognizes certain words.  He has a few favorite books & he will "read" them to me.  I think mostly he has it memorized but I love encouraging him to enjoy reading.  We'll be driving & he'll recognize stores in our area but even when we're in a different part of town, if we pass by a Wal-mart or a Costco, he'll recognize them, too.  I like to think he knows the word ;)  Oh, & Wal-mart should be proud to know (although I'm not sure I'm proud admitting it...) that if we pass a truck that has the Wal-mart logo on it (you know, the little asterik * thing), he'll say, "Wal-mart!".  It's sad how early kids learn those kinds of things...
-We're starting to teach Steven some simple math.  He watches a lot of educational shows that teach him what patterns are & about shapes & all that so he knows some stuff already.  Mostly we're just teaching him "1+1" & "1+2", that kind of thing.  We like to show him the concept, too, by holding up how many fingers we're adding together & then bringing them closer so he can visualize it more.  (Side note: from a previous post, I had mentioned that I didn't know how to start doing a "formal" teaching thing with my kids.  One of my friends mentioned that she does a lot of her teaching while they're out & about or just while doing other stuff.  I've realized that's when I do most of my teaching, as well.  When we're in the car we'll sing the alphabet song or spell or count or point out colors of objects, etc.  I really think it's a great way to use all that time! So thanks, MeChel!) 
-He definitely loves his sister but is still a bit rough with her sometimes.  We call Sofia "baby girl" & so Steven will call her that sometimes, as well.  It's very cute :)  He is also very protective of her.  Just today, I was leaving my sister's house & her daughters were saying goodbye to the kids.  Steven swatted at one of the girls because they were saying goodbye to Sofia.  He said, "No!  My sister!"  It is endearing, even if he takes it to the extreme sometimes.  Also, if we're in the car & Sofia will get upset, Steven will suggest that we sing to her.  (His favorite year round is "Jingle Bells".  I have no idea why...)  When I put them to sleep, I usually will read them a few books & then sing each of them a separate song while they're in their own beds.  Steven has started to come with me to Sofia's crib to help me sing to her. 
Here are some pictures of recent happenings.

 Steven & Sofia love to play outside. Steven has a tee ball set & here is Sofia about to throw the ball.  I just love her stance.  Very serious ;)

 Steven ready to play some ball!

 Sofia during bath time.  I just love her pigtails!  Her babysitter always does the cutest hairstyles for her!

 My son, the cheeseball ;)

 Steven & Sofia playing.  Steven was being so patient with Sofia while she tried (over & over) to put the ball on the tee.  I was so proud of him! :)

 How can you not love this face?!?

 Steven

 My brother came to visit earlier this month for the weekend.  My kids fell in love with "Uncle Mawk".  Everything Steven said to him was proceeded by "Uncle Mawk...(then the comment or question)".  Very cute!

 A few weeks ago, Sofia woke up with all these little red bumps all over her body.  I had NO idea what it was & honestly I was afraid it might be chicken pox.  I have never had them, & I don't believe I've had the vaccination, either, so I do NOT want to get them.  Had she looked like this when she woke up, I would've known it wasn't chicken pox...anyway, I was probably a little overly worried (as moms get) so I took her to the pediatrician.  They turned out be just hives (pretty bad case of them, if I do say so myself), which I'd never really seen either, but I have no idea what she got them from.  They cleared up pretty quickly with some benadryl (thank goodness!).  She was such a trooper & didn't complain!

At the end of June, we went down to Manti, Utah for the "Mormon Miracle Pageant", aka the Manti Pageant.  Josh had never been & I hadn't been since high school so we took the kids & went with my sister & her family.  I just took this picture to show how enormous those trash cans were.  Seriously, biggest I'd ever seen that weren't dumpsters.  Strangely large.

 Sofia happy as always as we were walking around the streets of "downtown" Manti

 My little boy: finding rocks to play with wherever he goes :)

 

Waiting for the pageant to start. Instead of letting me hold him, when Steven got tired, he just laid down on the (cold) grass with his blanket & went to sleep.  Better than crying the whole time! :)

Stay at home mom blues

Disclaimer: This post is just me venting and allowing myself to feel just a little bit sad.  Feel free to skip it :)

I feel like I'm brand new at this whole staying at home thing.  Even though I have two children, and even though Steven will be 3 this September, and even though I've actually been staying at home for a while, it still feels new to me.  After Steven was born I did random spurts of working for a few months at a time.  Also, with Steven, even when I was at home all the time, he was so young that he just adjusted to my schedule, I could take him wherever and still do whatever I wanted to with him.  Then, when I had Sofia, I ended up going back to work full time when she was two months old.  It wasn't until this past January that I got a job that allowed me to work at night and stay home with my kids a lot more.  The first little bit I was training, and so even then my schedule was kind of crazy and I didn't feel like I was home all that much more than when I was working full-time.  In April I finished my training and started working my regular schedule.  Now I only work 2 nights a week and so at the most, my kids are at the babysitter's for 7 hours the day after I work.  So even though I've been working on and off for a while, and I started this new job in January, I am just now starting to feel like a real stay at home mom.
I do not mean to sound like I'm complaining.  I am really grateful that I get to be home with my kids the majority of the time and I am also very grateful that I have such an amazing husband who supports me & works very hard to make it so I won't have to work at all (unless I want to) very soon.  I just feel a little lost sometimes.  I'm sure a lot of new stay at home moms feel this way.  There's no one telling you what you should be doing, no schedule you're supposed to follow, no deadlines to meet, like in school or at work.  What you do is up to you.  And although there are set things you need to do, like the laundry, or grocery shopping, or cleaning the bathroom, when you do it is really up to you.  And now that my kids are getting older, I need to not only entertain them but also I need to start teaching them things.  I feel a bit overwhelmed sometimes. 
I don't really like the feeling of complete freedom & the complete responsibility of what & when things get done, I've come to realize.  I will be the first to admit that I am not a very good housewife.  My mom never really gave us set chores, and although we helped out around the house, she did the vast majority of the cleaning and cooking.  I'm not out to blame her, but I think that more responsibility would have been a good thing for me.  So now here I am, with my two wonderful kids, and I don't really know what to do with myself.  I feel like I should be keeping my house spotless and teaching my kids and making sure they turn into geniuses and not letting them watch too much TV (and then feeling majorly guilty because I end up letting them watch way too much TV).  I feel like if I'm not doing all these things, I'm not living up to the standards of a stay at home mom.  Logically, I know that's not true, but sometimes I just get down on myself. 
I also get lonely at times when it's just me and the kids all day.  During the summer I don't see Josh nearly enough (seriously, if I'm not working, Josh will get up at 5 AM and not get home until 9:30 or later at night) so that doesn't really help the loneliness thing. I would say that I have a fair amount of friends, but most of them work or live in Utah County.  I do have friends that stay home with their kids near me, but for whatever reason I have been really bad at spending time with them (sorry guys!).
I know my happiness or frustration or sadness or loneliness or boredom majorly depends on me (if not entirely).  I do realize this.  I just sometimes feel so overwhelmed at the vast amount of things I should  be doing and also that all of it relies on me and what I'm doing about it.  I'm the one who decides what we do with our day.  I'm the one who decides whether or not the house gets clean.  I'm the one who decides what and when to teach my kids.  If I want to spend time with friends or make new ones, I need to get out there and do it.  I'm the one who decides what kind of structure goes into my day.  "Experts" say that it's really important for kids to have structure in their day, and if they do, they usually have a better time at behaving in a positive way.  I'm now starting to realize that not only do children need structure, but parents (at least ME) need that structure as well!  My major problem is that there is so much to do (cleaning, cooking, teaching, entertaining, etc.) in my day and it's all up to ME when and how and what gets done that it overwhelms me a lot of the time and then not much gets done.  Plus I'm just lazy some of the time.  I'd really rather watch TV or read a good book than scrub the toilet.  So sue me ;)  And then there's the whole topic of teaching your children.  I'm amazed at those women who have little craft projects or learning time or whatever you want to call it every day (let alone those women who home school their children!).  I don't even know where to start but I desperately want to make sure my kids (especially Steven at this point) get a good start to their education and that they don't turn into couch potatoes.  And again, whichever thing happens is up to ME.  It's hard having all that responsibility! 
I know I just need to DO IT...to set up some sort of a schedule, to look online for good learning activities and projects.  I need to just call up my friends and set aside time to see them or have play dates or meet at the park or what have you.  I know I'll be a lot more happy and content if I just do that.  I have to for my sake and my kids' sake.  But right now I am letting myself vent and be a little sad.
If anyone has any ideas or resources about teaching their kids or how they handle the huge responsibility that is being a stay at home mom, I'd love to hear it!
Vent over.

Sofia turns ONE!

This is me, again, being horrible at blogging!  Yes, Sofia's birthday was in April & now she is almost 14 months old.  Better late than never, I suppose, & Sofia certainly doesn't know the difference...

I was actually at BYU's Women's Conference on her actual birthday but the babysitter had a little party for her, which I'm grateful for.  The next day we went down to Moab to go camping with some friends.  Because of all that, we didn't actually celebrate her birthday until a week later.  We had Josh's family over for dinner, cake & ice cream. Even though our condo is tiny it's still always fun to have people over :)

Sofia enjoying her dinner with her super cute "1" crown (I just had to buy it when I saw it)

Josh helping Sofia open her presents

Sofia anxious for her cupcake :)

She's excited....

I love that she just dives right in sometimes...

Oh, she really enjoyed her ice cream cone!  After that initial bite, she did NOT hesitate!  She chowed down like there was no tomorrow.  She even started to eat the cone!

I hate that this one is so blurry but I just couldn't resist putting it in.  I love her face!  It just shows how excited she is

I love this picture :)

 Sofia getting all cleaned up

The Reader's Digest Version of our Lives as of Late

As you can see, it's been quite a while since I've blogged regularly.  Instead of trying to do a bunch of smaller posts, I thought I would just post a bunch of pictures of what's been going on lately & that will have to suffice.

Steven is turning into such a little boy.  Anything he finds can be turned into a gun.  Case in point: he's got a straw in his hand & he was laying on the ground making shooting noises.

This was before I cut Steven's hair last.  This was when I had picked the kids up from the babysitter's & she had parted his hair like this because it as getting in his eyes.  I just thought it looked funny :)

Steven really loves to help me cook.  This night I was making bread & Josh pointed out the nice little hand print after I was done.

Sofia is quite an enthusiastic eater.  She really prefers to feed herself & tends to get quite dirty.  This night I didn't want to draw up a whole bath so I just put her in the sink to clean her off.

This is the kind of stuff I find after Sofia has been too quiet for a while.  This is also the reason why we now put the toilet paper roll up high.

We got a very nice tax return this year.  We used a large chunk of it to pay some bills but we decided to use a portion of it to jump start our food storage.  This is a picture of most of the stuff we got with that money. The blue barrels are 55 gallon water drums.

Around the same time that we were buying our food storage, Josh worked at the local church pasta factory.  In return he was able to buy a bunch of pasta to put in our food storage. We had so much so we had to put some above our cupboards.

One of our cupboards full of pasta.

The final set-up of our food storage

A little while ago I decided to have a fun little activity with the kids.  This is the set-up of our finger painting activity.  I taped some trash bags on & under the table for easy clean-up.

The tools we were going to use: chocolate pudding instead of finger paint, pretzels, & plastic utensils.

Steven wearing his little apron.

Sofia's ready to play!

Steven was way more interested in eating the pretzels than finger painting...

"Look, Mom! I get to play with pudding without getting in trouble!"

"Hehehe! I'm going to get messssyyy!"

Steven getting into the fun :)

This is Sofia's really excited face

Sofia & I with our AWESOME chocolate mustaches!

This is Steven actually saying, "SMILE!" in this picture :)

A real smile :)

The aftermath of the activity

I love the faces she makes :)

Two of my sisters & I (Lisa - middle, Ginelle - right) at BYU's Women's Conference at the end of April.

At the end of April we went to Moab with a group of friends. This is Josh's truck piled up with stuff on the way there.  Don't worry, not all of this stuff is ours ;)

Steven helping Josh set up the tent. Somehow he knew, even before Josh got out the poles, that some sort of straight thing went in the loops.

Steven insisted on walking around in his bare feet

Sofia the cheeseball

Josh & I took the kids on a walk & I took this picture with my phone. There was a really bright glare on my phone so I couldn't even really see what the picture looked like until later.  I think it's so gorgeous!

On said walk.  Many people had carved their names in this rock so Josh decided to do the same.  Steven was trying to do so as well, but a stick doesn't work very well...

What Josh carved: "J+C".  The picture quality sucks because I used the front camera on my phone to take it.  Apparently that also flips the image...lame.

  One afternoon we hiked up to Delicate Arch in Arches National Park.  This is Steven following some of the other people in our group.

Josh, Sofia, & Steven on the hike.  Both of the kids did really well!  Steven seriously walked at least half of the 3 mile hike by himself!

Steven, Josh, & Sofia checking out Delicate Arch

We forgot to get a picture in front of the arch so we just found this cool tree to get a picture in front of.

Our friend, Scott, carrying a tired Steven.  All of our friends were super nice & helped carry Steven on the way down

Meghann & Steven.  I think he had a crush on her ;)

Sofia fell asleep on the way down

One of my best & oldest friends turned 25 in May so this is a group of us out to dinner to celebrate.  L-R: Katie (I think...), Arika (a.k.a birthday girl!), Cora, Erin, & I.  We went to this place called La Jolla Groves in Provo; it was very yummy & the atmosphere was awesome!

Arika's dessert.  Look how fancy that is!jm  ,

My dessert.  Mmmmm...chocolate... :)

Josh's fancy new work truck.  It's HUGE!